


tomorrow seeps through the blinds

by evyo



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - High School, Choi Soobin Is a Sweetheart, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Childhood Friends Choi Beomgyu & Kang Taehyun, Sad Kang Taehyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24520075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evyo/pseuds/evyo
Summary: Taehyun refuses to accept the things tomorrow will inevitably bring, but whether he likes it or not tomorrow is already here.orIt's 4am and Taehyun is too plagued by his thoughts to sleep. He's scared to accept a future that Beomgyu isn't included in. Soobin is there for him, though.
Relationships: Choi Soobin & Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	tomorrow seeps through the blinds

Taehyun really doesn’t want to be faced with tomorrow, which is why he’s awake at 4am when he could be sleeping his worries away.

It would be easy to, he thinks. He can simply close his eyes and let his exhaustion do the rest; let it overtake his body and whisk away all his distressing thoughts in the process, even if it’s only temporarily. 

It’s tempting, extremely so, but entering a slumber is like inadvertently accepting things. It might technically be ‘tomorrow’ already, since it’s long past 12am, but he hasn’t slept therefore meaning it doesn’t count, right? Because even if it’s tomorrow, it’s not _his_ tomorrow.

Or maybe he’s too stuck on the events of today (or rather, the events of yesterday). Maybe he doesn’t like the fact that tomorrow brings a day where there is no Taehyun and Beomgyu.

It scares him to think about, so he tries to focus on his senses. The heat emanating off the body pressed next to him. The fistful of blanket he has clutched in his hand. His restless foot that keeps moving out of frustration.

He takes a deep breath and tries to calm down, but in doing so his mind wanders back to the very thing he was trying to ignore. His thoughts are still obnoxiously full of what had happened between him and Beomgyu. No matter what he does his brain will refuse to cooperate with him and remain undeterred by his attempts to think about anything else. It's annoying. Everything that had happened today was. Yet he still can't find it in himself to officially end the day - to sleep and be met with tomorrow, and that's even more annoying.

There’s a stir beside where Taehyun lays on the bed. He feels his legs get further tangled with Soobin’s and a squeeze on his hip.

“Are you okay?”

Taehyun was too occupied with his thoughts to realize he had started crying. He wipes his tears and turns to lay on his side so he’s facing his boyfriend. The light of dawn illuminating the room ever so slightly coupled with the way his eyes had adjusted to the dimness let him discern the look of worry on Soobin’s face. 

Damn. He should've tried harder to stop his right foot from fidgeting. Now Soobin is awake at ass in the morning with him and won’t go back to sleep unless his concern is extinguished.

“Sorry.”

“Are you okay?” Soobin repeats, his voice a scratchy whisper since he had just woken up.

At this, Taehyun feels tears threatening to fall again. He doesn’t want to cry. He knows it will raise the older’s concern an exponential amount. He’s not able to stop them from spilling, though.

Soobin’s eyebrows furrow and his frown deepens, but he waits calmly for the shorter boy to respond to his question.

Taehyun considers telling him that he’s okay, that he had just gotten lost in his thoughts after a long day. It wouldn't be a complete lie. He did have a rough day and was overthinking, but he definitely wasn’t okay. He hasn’t been for a while. He knows his boyfriend had noticed and was just waiting for him to say something when he was ready, and that makes him feel worse. Soobin isn't one to pry, so he could get away with it if he really wanted to. He knows it would weigh on the older’s mind, though. So, with a sob, he shakes his head no.

Soobin embraces Taehyun and rubs his back as tears make their way down his face, whispering words of comfort in his ear. It takes some time for the shorter boy to calm down, but he does.

They look into each other’s eyes as Soobin pulls away, just enough so that their faces are a breath apart.

There was a block in Taehyun’s airway as he saw the older boy’s lips part since he had a vague idea of what the other was going to say. He racked his brain for ways to explain what had been going on. It felt as if he thought a thousand things in the time it took for the words he had been anticipating to leave Soobin's mouth.

“What happened?”

Taehyun exhales at the question. He might as well tell him. Soobin is no longer busy with studying for finals, finishing projects, and working on college applications. He didn’t want the taller boy to have any unnecessary worries during the end of his last year of high school, but that excuse became invalid the moment summer started. Even if he’s having a hard time coming to terms with things, he knows he can bombard his boyfriend with his troubles without feeling guilty now.

“Beomgyu Hyung,” Taehyun confesses.

A look of realization makes its way onto Soobin’s face. “Did you guys fight again? Was it really bad?” He asked, concern thick in his voice.

“I don’t know,” the younger pauses for a few seconds, trying to gauge the severity of the argument he had with Beomgyu. Had it been bad? There has definitely been worse. Especially since they had gotten into the routine of getting furious with each other over the most trivial things. This exchange wasn't grave in the way that their voices both ended up raised to a shout by the end of it. That hadn't happened. There was no yelling this time. It was bad, however, in the way that they had both decided to finally let go of the foundations they had been hopelessly trying to maintain.

“Kinda, I guess, since I dropped him," he continues, awkwardly shrugging in a way that’s only possible while lying down, attempting to have even a semblance of nonchalance about it.

Soobin’s eyes widen in shock, but he’s quick to compose himself and smile reassuringly.

Taehyun still catches it. He might have been offended if he, too, was not surprised that he ended things with Beomgyu.

“That’s good, baby. Should have cut him off a long time ago.”

His voice wasn’t laced with malice or jealousy. It never was. The way he said it with such tender conviction reminds Taehyun of the time Soobin voiced his concern about the friendship. _I don’t like seeing you agonize over someone so much that it takes a toll on your mental health,_ he had said. Soobin only wanted to give him a push in the right direction, and at that time the younger brushed him off because letting go of Beomgyu was so much harder in practice than in theory.

“I know. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, baby. I was just saying.”

Taehyun opens his mouth to instinctively say sorry again, but he catches himself and only nods in response.

“Why now? It seemed like you wanted to stay his friend since you kept putting up with him.”

“That’s exactly why. I hated that it felt like I was the only one putting in effort and how he treated me like a burden.”

He also hates that he had let it get to that point. Where down the line did their relationship turn sour? When did his best friend go from the center of his universe to a mere obligation? Maybe he could single out a few instances that led to it, or maybe not; when he tried thinking about it there was no one thing in particular.

It’s like someone asking him to pinpoint when exactly the leaves started to brown and his breath started to become visible. He can’t. It just _did._ It just happened and the transition occurred without him giving it a second thought.

Soobin hummed introspectively. “To me, when you feel like a burden to someone you love and care for, maybe the fault lies with that person rather than yourself for letting you feel that way.”

“Maybe,” the shorter boy sighs. “But I can’t say I didn’t make him feel like one, too.”

“Then what took you so long to, you know…”

Thinking about it now, had it been anyone else, Taehyun would’ve left them to their own devices the moment they started treating him poorly. He knows his worth. He doesn’t put up with people or things for appearances; he never cared about how others perceived him.

It wasn’t just anyone, though. It was Beomgyu. The person he had been friends with since he was a tiny, naive eight year old. The person who he went through all his phases with. The person that is undeniably the one that shaped Taehyun into who he is today. In the past they were able to persevere through their rough patches and come out of them even closer than before, so his mistake for thinking that would be the case this time, too.

“I guess I thought we could work things out.”

“Did you try to do anything to make it better?”

“Of course I did. Whenever things got, uh, especially bad I would try to be calm and tell him the things that were bothering me.”

“Then what?”

“He always got weirdly defensive about it. It’s like he refused to believe his actions could make someone upset. He made it seem like I was the weird one for feeling troubled to begin with. He would still apologize, but it was only to diffuse the situation and move on as if nothing was wrong.”

“So what I’m understanding is that he was in denial.”

“Yeah. It was annoying as hell. He never put in the effort to improve himself on the things I mentioned to him. I did, though. Or tried to, at least. Like when he told me that he didn’t like when I was rude to his friends. It’s not my fault they're fucking assholes, but whatever. I admit I should’ve been nicer despite the distaste I held towards them. So I started being civil with them, but I would tell him how I felt about them cause I wanted him to know my honest thoughts. Then he got upset about that, too. Like what the fuck? Should I just not tell him that someone sucks even though it’s the truth? I’m too opinionated for that.”

“I know,” Soobin half jokes, which makes Taehyun shoot him a playful glare.

“That’s why I thought that maybe I should end our friendship on a more positive note instead of letting it get to the point where we wouldn’t be able to forgive each other. Is that dumb? I don’t know. It was just getting so toxic and I could tell he was worn out. It made my heart hurt because I just wanted him to be happy, but I had the opposite effect on him.”

Taehyun feels himself tearing up again. He got so worked up that he ended up complaining, but ultimately, he just wanted Beomgyu to be happy. That’s all there was to it. It’s the reason he tried fixing their strained relationship. It’s the reason he mentally exhausted himself worrying about the other. He still feels the same, though. The dark haired boy should be happy, even if it’s without him. Even if Taehyun feels a large void appearing within himself that is hauntingly Beomgyu-shaped. 

A sleeve reaches Taehyun’s eyes, gently blotting away the tears. It then made its way to his back to rub him comfortingly.

“What about you, were you happy?”

“No, but I don’t regret it.”

“You don’t regret jeopardizing your own happiness?”

“I mean, technically, he did the same for me.”

Soobin only sighs in reply.

“I still love him.”

“I know.”

“It’s hard to imagine a day that I don’t.”

“You spent 9 years loving him, of course it’s hard to imagine.”

“I really thought he was the one thing I wouldn’t outgrow,” Taehyun says as he buries his head in his boyfriend’s chest. He feels his hair being played with.

“It might just be for now, you know. You’ve outgrown your friendship with Beomgyu just for now. One day he will look back and know that all you’ve ever done is love him wholeheartedly, and maybe he will try to rekindle the friendship you guys had. If he does you can welcome him back into your life.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“Then you can be the one to try to enter his life after a while. Give him enough time to realize his mistakes. If you still want to be connected with him at that point, at least.”

"What if he never forgives me?"

"Truth be told, he doesn't owe you forgiveness, but you don't owe him anything either. I know you've already forgiven him, though. I know you feel guilty about all the things you could've done differently. You've reflected and you'll continue to. If he can't find it in himself to do the same, that's his problem. Not yours."

The younger can't help but feel that, yes, that is indeed his problem. Very much so.

He knows that what Soobin said is the truth, though. His boyfriend would never purposely lie to him. So, even if his brain is trying to convince him otherwise, he clings onto the elder's words because his mind will never be nearly as trustworthy as the grape haired boy that's rubbing circles into his back.

A yawn leaves Soobin’s mouth, and Taehyun hears the taller boy unlock his phone.

“What time is it, hyung?”

“5:12”

“Sorry for waking you up. And keeping you up.”

“It’s okay, baby. I’m glad you told me,” the older murmured in his tiredness.

“I love you, Soobin hyung,” Taehyun whispers.

“I love you too, Taehyunnie,” Soobin says as he places a kiss atop the younger boy’s head. "Let's sleep now, okay?"

Taehyun merely nods into the other's chest, finally willing to give into the drowsiness that has been enveloping him.

So maybe Taehyun is okay with the fact that tomorrow morning’s light is currently seeping through the window blinds. Because although tomorrow brings a day where there is no Taehyun and Beomgyu, it also brings him closer to the day that there might be again; as well as another day to spend with Soobin.

Even if it’s difficult for him to accept the possibility that there might not be a friendship with Beomgyu anymore, both now and in the future, he’ll be okay. Eventually, he will naturally come to accept it, because tomorrow persists and he has Soobin beside him to get him through it.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> debated posting cause I didn't like the way it came out but then decided that I tried way too hard on it not to, so thank you for reading :) it's the first thing I've shared on here so please let me know what you think!!
> 
> also I didn't realize till I wrote most of it that it kinda fits the theme of can't you see me :0? anyways yeah sometimes you outgrow people and/or they become toxic for you (or you to them, or both idk) and moral of the story is cut them off if they're not actively working to try n make things better


End file.
